The Secret They Don't Want You To Know 🤐 - The Habit of Happiness (Part 3)

Hi there,

This is the final email in our series on happiness.

Let me know if you enjoyed this series of newsletters. It would help me understand what brings you the most value.

Also, if you’re having trouble applying any of these concepts, please reach out. I’m here to support you!

🧠 On My Mind:

Everyone talks about habits, and with good reason.

Habits are what make us or break us. 

I’ve been thinking a lot about the habits we aren’t really aware of, those habits that are so ingrained in our personality that questioning them seems ludicrous.

• Thinking the universe is against us when we are in a hurry but hit every red light.

• Getting angry at poor service in a restaurant or coffee shop.

• Thinking we deserve the respect, attention, or (fill in the blank) from a stranger, colleague, friend, or family member.

We’ve discussed how happiness is a state of mind that can be cultivated in the present through proactive attitudes by shining a light on our own thoughts, opinions, and interpretations of circumstances. 

🔍 The Why:

Wild statistic, I might have or might not have made up:

About 95% of our behaviors and feelings are habitual. 

Therefore, our beliefs, emotions, and attitudes are also habitual.

Is your reaction to poor service always the same? Or do you ever stop and say, "I bet that person is having a bad day. I hope they can turn it around"?

For example, one of my clients, Jay (a pseudonym to protect his privacy), found himself automatically reaching for his phone every time he felt stressed. This habitual reaction was something he developed over years of seeking a distraction. By recognizing this pattern, Jay was able to replace this unwanted habit with taking three deep breaths, which significantly improved his stress levels. He would even get to the point of stopping a meeting and inviting every participant to pause, breathe with him, reset, and continue.

Another client, Sarah (also a pseudonym), realized she had a habit of dismissing compliments. This automatic reaction stemmed from childhood insecurities. By becoming aware of this habit, Sarah practiced being intentional in simply replying, “Thank you, that’s kind of you,” which automatically improved her self-esteem

🕰️ When to Take Notice:

Just like when I run, I don't think about where my feet go, as they’ve been programmed by years of practice and instinct.

Similarly, many of our daily actions are automatic, driven by ingrained habits that served us in the past but maybe don’t serve us anymore.

Consider these examples:

• Responding to emails: Do you automatically check and respond to emails first thing in the morning, or do you look at your priorities and choose to eat that frog first thing in the morning?

• Reacting to feedback: Do you instinctively defend your work when receiving constructive criticism, or do you keep quiet and say, "Thank you for sharing"?

• Handling interruptions: Do you automatically drop everything to address every interruption, whether it’s a colleague’s question or a new email notification, or do you get your work done and then find the time to address the interruption?

What are your automatic and unthinking reactions?

🏆 Transformative Moment:

Creating a Happiness Habit

Rules of the Game (aka Principles to Live By:)

• Happiness isn’t something that happens to you.

• No one can decide your thoughts about yourself.

• Happiness is not brought by others; it’s your responsibility.

• Happiness doesn’t “just happen”; you need to pursue a goal.

• Justifying your pleasant thoughts doesn’t work; there’s one truth.

• Everyone will have both pleasant and unpleasant circumstances.

• At all times, there are facts and opinions about those facts—choose your outlook wisely.

Action Steps:

1. Identify one automatic reaction (habit) you want to change.

2. Replace it with a new, positive action for 21 days.

3. Track your progress daily and reflect on any changes you notice in your behavior and mindset.

♻️ Share this newsletter with someone who would benefit from it.

Keep Going, Keep Growing,

Your Coach and Friend,
Carlos