The Real Reason I Self-Sabotage (and What I'm Doing About It)

Hey there,

Life doesn’t come with a map.

Well, actually—it comes with too many. Everyone’s got an opinion. A book. A podcast. A “must-do.”
And yet, despite the millions of how-to guides, we often still feel lost.

There are countless books telling us how to live:

• Atomic Habits by James Clear – how to build great habits.

• The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Steven Covey – how to lead with integrity.

• Your Money or Your Life by Vicki Robin and Joe Dominguez – how to think about money differently.

• Books on how to be a dad, swim, cook, run, enjoy, live, laugh, garden…
  The list never ends.

But here’s the twist: knowing doesn’t equal doing. We learn best by living—and the biggest obstacle in our way is usually ourselves.

My Truth: The Daily Battle

Let me be honest.

For the past year, I’ve wanted to connect with 20 people a day—every day. My goal was simple: get to know them, and yes, explore whether I could support them (aka make a sale).

But each time I tried, I’d last a few days. Maybe two weeks.

Why?
Because I’m a master at self-sabotage.
Because I judge—hard.
Especially myself.

No results = I’m fake, my services are too expensive, people don’t trust me, I should get a new certification, etc… The list continues and continues.

The Hidden Saboteurs

My mind is intense.
People sometimes say I come off as "intellectually arrogant." I get it. I share feelings through passionate ideas but that can make me miss what others truly need. I’m the person who wants to save the day… then seeks recognition for the effort.

I’m skeptical of others, especially if they’re selling something. And I hate when my clients are skeptical of me. I love a good debate… until it turns against me.

And I see the beauty in people. The potential. But I can’t help noticing when their thinking feels sloppy and lazy - Yup this is a judgement too.

What I value most? Knowledge. Understanding. Insight.
I often feel like I’m only worthy when I’m successful and when others think well of me.

These patterns hurt me—and those around me.

And when I quiet one saboteur, another pops up:

• The Pleaser – puts others’ needs first, even when it hurts.

• The Avoider – avoids conflict and hides behind “flexibility.”

• The Stickler – demands perfection, and gets frustrated when nothing is good enough.

We Are the Obstacle. We Are the Way.

Books can teach. But none of them matter if we don’t practice the lessons.

Here’s the beauty:
If you’re still breathing, you can reforge yourself.

The first step is recognition.
The mental muscle that helps you step back and observe your thoughts. That’s metacognition.

When we develop that awareness, we stop living on autopilot and start choosing who we become.

Try it three times today.
Notice what shifts, your mood, your focus, your awareness.

If you’ve read this far, thank you. Seriously.
Reply and tell me—what came up for you? I’d love to hear your story.

Keep growing,
Your friend and coach,
Carlos