They told us they sacrificed everything for us, what does that really mean?

Hey there!

This weekend, a friend shared a post on Instagram that really made me think. It was about parenting and the concept of sacrifice—a theme many of us are familiar with from conversations with our parents. We've often heard, either directly or through subtle hints, about the numerous sacrifices they made for us—be it financial, career-related, in their personal time, or even their health.

I've heard comments like, “If you only knew how much I’ve given up for you,” - and I bet you have, too.

At its core, these are the sacrifice categories:

• Financial Sacrifices: foregoing personal luxuries, vacations, or basic comforts to ensure their children have what they need.

• Career Sacrifices: Stop a career because of pregnancy, choose less demanding jobs, or decline promotions to spend more time with their children.

• Personal Time and Interests: Bye-bye to hobbies and social activities, hello to children-related commitments.

• Health and Energy: Yup we’ve all heard and/or experienced that raising children is physically and emotionally exhausting.

• Life Choices: From where to live to delaying goals, having children changes your filters on what is important.

• Education and Personal Development: Some parents might forego further education opportunities to ensure stability and support for their family.

These are all noble causes, except when they are framed as self-sacrifices by parents who, in moments of weakness, seek validation for their contempt.

Now, imagine a 10-year-old being told by the person they love the most that their successful career was sacrificed because they were born. Imagine the overwhelming confusion and guilt that a 10-year-old would feel from that message.

Now, a full-grown person who received those messages in their childhood most likely shows fear of failure, insecurities, anxiety, resentment, and self-negative talk.

Again most likely, we all heard a version of this, and we’ve all experienced these feelings as adults. We’ve got a choice: to let them dictate how we live our lives or take action to redefine those memories into something that promotes growth through acceptance.

What will you do?

As I’m weeks away from becoming a father, I ask myself, what is the best gift I can give to my daughter?

It’s definitely not self-sacrifice, because we planned her arrival with a lot of love, intention, and joy. I can’t position myself as a victim when life shows me the less-traveled paths, the challenging roads full of rough terrain. The best gift I can give my daughter and myself is the gift of self-development, my self-development.

If self-sacrifice breeds contempt, apathy, and conflict, then self-development and self-investment foster respect, forgiveness, and acceptance.

This relationship is not transactional; it’s not about giving up something for you, so now you owe me. Nor is it a relationship where you say, “I’ll do this only if you do that.”

The relationship I aim to create is: I’ll take care of myself first, love myself, keep myself healthy, develop my vocabulary, learn to express myself, and level up to become the best version of myself. Then, I can love you better, care for you better, communicate more effectively, and always give you the best version of myself.

With this approach, the goal is not to control or influence the lives of our children. The goal is to be available and capable for them—available when they need you, giving them your time and attention when they need it, not when you want to give it. And capable of providing good answers and conscious counsel, separating our personal needs and desires from theirs, fostering acknowledgment and validation of their own journey as individuals.

I know it’s easier said than done, especially since I haven’t lived it yet. I recognize that parenting is an art, and this is why I write: to shape my thoughts and set an intention. With a powerful intention, you can change your mental and physical state to bring awareness to what you’re looking to create. In this case, my intention is

To all new parents or soon-to-be grandparents, maybe the best thing we can give isn’t our sacrifices, but our commitment to keep growing and learning.

What do you think? Have you felt pressured by the idea of sacrifice in your family? Let’s chat about how focusing on our own growth can actually be the best thing for our kids.

Keep Growing,

Your Coach and Friend,

Carlos

P.S.: Just a quick reminder that later today is our Unlocking Productivity Masterclass. Looking forward to seeing you there and diving deep into how we can all enhance our productivity together. See you soon!